Chapter 59: Defense-Protection - Motive vs. Behaviors vs. People

In my recent studies from a new book by Rory Miller on Principled Teaching he made a statement that stuck out to me so I wanted to quote it here:

“Motive of the threat is absolutely unimportant in a self-defense situation. Even a pro can’t tell at a glance whether someone is mentally ill, in an extremely emotional state, or on drugs. The person throwing you in the van may be sadistic or the product of a bad childhood. None of that matters. In a self-defense situation, you are dealing with and, if necessary, stopping behaviors. Not treating, not diagnosing. You are dealing with behaviors, not people.” - Rory Miller (remember, this quote is taken out of context therefore may lead to a whole different meaning than Mr. Miller intended so - read his book, you won’t regret it)

This is what I would perceive as a paradigm shift necessary along with reality based adrenal stress-conditioned exposure to get us closer to the reality of defensive-protection (self-defense).  I don’t expect to shift the minds and beliefs of the self-defense/martial arts industry because to shift to this type of thinking simply may not be a income generator or appeal to the folks out there looking for this product. 

Then he wrote on the art of active listening, I call it an art, and that one also spoke a bit to me especially if one is going to be true to self-defense, defense-protection, through avoidance - active listening. This is the quote on that one:

“We tend to listen to the voices in our own heads first. It’s been accurately said that most conversations are just two people waiting their chance to interrupt. One person starts to say something, the second listens to the first four words or so, finishes the sentence in his imagination, composes an answer, and then waits impatiently for the first person to stop talking so that he or she can talk.”

AND

“Active listening is as simple as shutting down your internal dialogue. Don’t finish the other person’s sentence in your head, don’t compose your answer until he or she is done. There’s a little more. Monitor the rate, tone, pitch, and volume of his or her voice to get a handle on his or her emotional state. Watch body language.” 

AND

“The second aspect of active listening is intelligence gathering is to keep the subject talking. The more he or she talks, the more you learn.” 

I’m guilty as hell of that but I am getting a tad better in my listening mostly due to a personal need. It keeps me out of deep, deep and deeper trouble. It is good training because if I ever again face off with an irate individual who is woofing at me, I can then trigger and turn on a switch, I hope, and deescalate thus avoid escalation to the physical. At least it makes sense to me!